How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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