whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Houston, we have a blender
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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