I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
