it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
