I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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