Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
