I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
