A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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