So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
