i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
