you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize