You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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