i think my tv is drunk
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
