Jerry, you need to find god
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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