you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
