Sponge bath it is.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
