If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
