there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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