dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
