i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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