doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
