Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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