we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
