you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize