When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
