They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So vagazzling was a success
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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