Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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