i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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