Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
