I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
