i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
