I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
