so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
