he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
