He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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