found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize