Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
