Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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