tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize