what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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