i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
