All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
false alarm, still single
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