I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
