WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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