Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
