hell yes lets make some ravioli
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
