Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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