he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
