hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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