remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
