if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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