you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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