My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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