there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
