im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
