I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
