She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
