is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize