Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
