remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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