I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
