I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize