Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
