Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sponge bath it is.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
