Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
