If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
