Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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