Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
