I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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