I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
