Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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