I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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