With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize