The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
