i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well I just put wine in my tea
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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