i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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