I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This is my gift to your gina
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize