you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
