even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
being pregnant is like rehab
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm getting married
To pizza
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
