those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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