every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
