No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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