never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
