I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
