I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
