p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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