May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
