My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
